Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty

Loyalty and forgiveness is a major theme in Avalon High. Many of the characters show loyalty in its many different forms.

Will is a great example of this. He is the personification of the devotion to duty that is found all throughout Arthurian literature. Will is a man who believes honor is important, he believes it is important to stand up for others and feels a responsibility toward maintaining peace and showing leadership. These are loyalties to duty and humanity. Will's actions also display the Arthurian ideal of chivalry, acts of honor, self-sacrifice, duty and loyalty against all odds. Will is loyal to his brother, his father, his team mates and his school mates. Even when Will finds out that Jennifer has been cheating with Lance behind his back he finds it in his heart to forgive them for this because he sees that they are truly happy with eachother (plus it doesn't hurt that Allie is way better). Even though the premise of this story was quite ridiculous it still held true to the themes that we've grown to be accustomed to seeing in Arthurian texts.  

Initiation Night

Okay……that was a lot weirder than I thought it was going to be, and I am kind of sick to my stomach. These people really took the whole bear thing too far, in my opinion. I got to the so called “Lodge” and the first thing I saw when I went in the front door were all the people and all the food. The selection was weird though……they had a lot of berries. Blue berries, red berries, gooseberries, they had bear claws, a pot of honey, and huge pot of porridge that was being bogarted by one of the blonde members of the Order. 

            After awhile came the ceremony. I can’t reveal the secrets of the Order but I can describe the ceremony somewhat. First they told me to get bare foot and to wear this bear cub costume. After a bunch of seemingly random movements and chanted phrases by the conductors of the ritual, I was put in the middle of the room on my knees and asked “Mr. Morton, are you ready to receive the secrets of the Order of the Bear”, I said “yes” but then someone behind me whispered in my ear. The person in front of me asked me the same question another time and then the person behind me whispered in my ear again. I think I was supposed to say what he whispered in my ear…..I then said in a confused manner....”does a bear shit in the woods?”. I then heard a loud VERY WELL! To which proceeded a costume battle between a bear and a wolf. It kinda looked like the marionette fight in Team America since all the members of the Order were so ancient. The ceremony ended with the death of the bear to which then I was forced to literally eat a piece of raw bear heart while everyone sang the bear necessities!…..I need to go throw up now. 

Mr. Morton is in a cult.

Conversation with Mr. Morton to himself: 

Okay, so, where do I begin? Hmmmm, well I guess it started in college; I got just a little high…on a lot of occasions… whoops, too far back. I met this girl, I think she was a girl. Well, whatever. That's not important. What is is that "it" introduced me to the Order of the Bears. They all liked getting really baked…. Off topic again! Okay! Well, my life’s goal I to find Arthur; he will return. The voices tell so! Okay, so, if that is all true, then why doesn’t she believe me? How does she not believe me? I am not crazy. Am I crazy? NO! Ms. Harrison must know that I am telling the truth. The Order of the Bears, it’s not cult… I mean we idolize and look for King Arthur, but I know that Will is HIM! I am not crazy. I cannot be crazy; I know that King Arthur will return, and he has. I tried to reason with her in the classroom:

“I am not lying, please listen to me! Miss Harrison, you are the Lady of the Lake; you have returned. Will is the King, but ow he will die! I ruined everything; he will die because of me! What have I done? I told Marco he is Mordred and now he will kill King Arthur!”

But, alas, I am here. I’m stuck in this “hospital”. She put me in here! Why!? I need to get out, back to my Order. I need to save this teenager from being killed! I am not craz… Oh for Arthur’s sake! My roommate is killing me! He keeps talking about aliens, and how it is that they are real!

“WELL THEY ARE NOT SO STOP SCREAMING ABOUT IT! I NEED TO SAVE OUR KING! LET ME OUT!”

Arthur cries at a press conference

The doors of the hotel just opened, and news reporters rushed in for an opportunity to talk to candidate Arthur Penn. On the way to the press conference, one of the reporters noticed a teenager in the waiting lobby, and asked him "it's 12pm. Shouldn't you be in school?"

"How about you go do your job and interview the actual candidate?" Merlin rudely replied, as he heard a loud "HUUUUUUUU" nearby. He then walked up to Gwen, who pulled off another "HUUUUUUU."

"What do you want?"

"HUUU - oh, hey Merlin. Man, pulling off a press conference sure makes one exhausted! But you know me, I'm like the backbone of this entire campaign. I'm just doing my part; no need to thank me!"

"K bye," Merlin said, walking to the podium as Arthur made his way there.

"You don't have to be such a jacka -AAGHH!" Gwen screamed as she got shoved to the floor by the running reporters who wanted to catch a glimpse of Arthur.

Arthur got the microphone and began to speak. "Hey y'all, I'm Arthur Penn, and I'm running for mayor. I'll now take your questions."

One reporter spoke, "that was a short intro, but anyways, your Democratic and Republican opponents all have political experience, while you have absolutely zero. Do you think this is a bad thing?"

"If a man with no political experience could become president, then surely I can become mayor?"

"I, um -"

"Next question!"

"How do you feel about gun control, specifically a ban on assault weapons and bump stocks?"

"Ah, gun control. Who cares about that? Everyone should just get their own sword; it'll solve this entire issue. Why, I once happened to have my own sword, but I lost it when my deep-sea fishing trip went horribly wrong. Memories... where was I? Next question!"

"How do you feel about abortion?"

"I support it 100%! If abortion was a thing back in the day, I wouldn't be in this mess! Mordred would never have been born, and Camelot... would... never have fallen..." Arthur began to look visibly distraught, and then said "no more questions!" before running offstage crying.

Priestesses and Penis Statues

"Life surges in the spring, the deer run in the forest, and our life runs with them. The King Stag of the world shall bring them down, the King Stag, the Horned One blessed by the Mother shall triumph."

I chose this specific quote because it goes the must in depth of the scattered prayer excepts and gives a look into the religions foundations of the Druids in "Mists." It's seems like a transcendentalist religion, which makes me wonder if Marion Bradley was influenced by Emerson or Thoreau. The idea of a Forest Goddess is really interesting, not only for the feminist ideals Bradley was trying to reflect, but for it's argument against Christianity. This prayer gives an embodiment of religion that is tangibly felt by Morgaine and connects her to all of the living things around her. How could this religion not be the correct one for the kingdom, when it physically connects humanity to the world around it?

Mists of Avalon

I don't believe this passage is necessarily a feminist approach to this story. The emphasis on masculinity and the need for a God to match her Goddess (she really says this) is inescapable.  Lancelot proves himself to be the man's man when he says a few times that he "has lived in a world where men do not wait for a woman's bidding" (146). Morgaine exerts a lot of energy admiring Lancelot's physical appearance, and is heavily influenced by the way she feels when she's near him. Starting at their first interaction, her obsession with his outward appearance is perpetuated throughout the passage; on page 147 she spends almost an the page admiring every detail of his physique. She likes that his look is not androgynous, but especially manly like a "stag," and comments that she had "never seen such a masculine creature before" (147). This fixation on his appearance is especially annoying compared to Morgaine's own desire for Lancelot to see her inner beauty when she apparently sees only his surface level.

The physical attraction is noteworthy, but what really makes me doubt the woman-power in this passage is the fact that Morgaine says she has never felt happiness before Lancelot. She feels validated because “he desired her...his love and respect for her were so great that he would even hold his own desire within bounds” (154). So now we’re impressed that he's not pushing sex on her? Cmon. And let’s just take a moment to consider the phallic implications of Lancelot saying the only god he worships is his “sword” (140). Lancelot seems to quickly shift gears, and Morgaine feels a burning hatred for young Gwenhwyfar, concluding with what I think might be a redeeming moment (maybe just a petty one) as Morgaine leaves him to find his own way back.

Kickass Goddess

 While reading the first part of the Mist of Avalon I wasn’t sure how this story of magical women relates to the story of Arthur. Nevertheless, I noticed some similarities and difference between this story and other stories we have read throughout the semester. First, the story has a powerful and magical character which is present in most stories of Arthur; however, in this reading, that character is a woman. We have not yet read about a powerful woman other than Guinevere.  Morgaine, a power priestess, has powers, and athletic ability that seems to be greater than Galahad. When they are climbing a steep slope, she climbs it with ease while Galahad struggles to keep up. Also, she isn’t afraid to show her legs which goes against societal norms. It is refreshing to read about a female character with great wisdom, strength, power, and beauty.  Another essential theme in readings about Arthur is nature. In this except the weather and beauty of Avalon is described in detail. For example, “The sun seemed to burn more brightly, the clouds to move through the sky like great wings against the dazzling, sparkling air, every bud of clover in the grass shimmered…” (p.154). Lastly, the forbidden love between Lancelot and Guinevere is found in many of the readings we have read and, in this reading, forbidden love is a vital theme. Morgaine is in love with Galahad who is her cousin and the head priestess’s son. She struggles to resists his advances but ultimately gives in. Women and men are often tempted in stories of Arthur. Overall, the Mist of Avalon is an exciting story with kickass women.

Treason and Reason

"I have tried to do my duty."
"Ye have striven to admiration."
"I sentenced her because it was the law to sentence her. I have done my best to see the sentence will be carried out."
"But it willna be. Lancelot will bring her safe."
"Gawaine, you are not to think that I am trying to get her rescued. I am the justice of England, and it is our business now to burn her to the death, without remorse."

Gawaine's first line really hits it on the head here, whether Arthur is willing to admit it or not. We see Arthur's admiration cloud his judgement multiple times throughout the passage. It's accepted that he knows about the affair, but keeps it hushed for the greater good of the kingdom. That's why he isn't surprised when the brothers and Mordred bring it up to him. Many before him have brought it to his attention, all to be killed by Lancelot in combat. I also love that killing your opponent holds legal weight, and the victor is the one considered to be just and right. It's like if Evander Holyfield led OJ's defense team. It almost seems to me that Arthur is accepting of the affair because of the great deal of love that he has for Guinevere and Lancelot. That's why he opposes trapping them. Because of the love and respect he has for them, he can't, in good conscience, do what he thinks will be deceiving them, even though they've been doing that to him for years. This is also weird logic coming from a man who put an entire boat full of babies to death just to save himself from the wrath of his son.

Perspective of Time

Whereof this world holds record. Such a sleep
They sleep--the men I loved. I think that we
Shall never more, at any future time,
Delight our souls with talk of knightly deeds,
Walking about the gardens and the halls
Of Camelot, as in the days that were.i

The perspective of time something is written and when it's being read is important to consider when interpreting its context. I selected the above lines, 15-19, to examine due how it can be read different ways depending on the time it is read in. The word I was most struck by in this passage is “sleep.” In the first stanza that proceeds these lines the speaker states that the knights have fallen— clearly indicating they died. While sleep is a word sometimes used as a synonym for death, it seemed like a passive word choice to describe knights who died in battle. Sleep conjures images of peace and calm: the opposite of a brutal felling of knights in battle. Moreover, the word is repeated twice: “such a sleep.” Sleep appears to be implying that these men will soon wake even though Tennyson makes it clear in the preceding lines that things will never be the same again. My focusing on sleep and the word choice seeming strange could be a modern interpretation though. The Bible uses sleep to describe death. I also believe it is important to consider the Victorian era which is when this was written when putting into context the above lines. Tennyson is writing about the legend of a man who lived hundreds of years prior to his time; yet, his popularity reigns. I think that Tennyson is describing though the physical man, King Arthur, may die the spirit will continue on. As has been the case with the majority of Arthurian texts, the poem does not focus solely on King Arthur himself; rather, these lines signal the change from Arthur as physical man to the Arthur we know today as a legend. I've come to realize that the King Arthur legend is not about a man but rather an entire culture.

Happily Ever After?

The theme of moral decay is emphasized in the Passing of Arthur. Arthur’s last mission request is for Sir Bedivere to cast the sword, Excalibur, into the lake.  However Bedivere tries to hide the sword, disobeying the kings command and lied about it twice. As a loyal knight from Arthur’s court, the reader would expect him to obey the king’s last wishes. But as Arthur is slowly dying, so are the moral values he invested. The dark symbolism of nature in this poem supports the feeling of evil, failure, and desolation, in the middle of winter with no other surviving knights of the round table. Before the king sailed away, Bedivere asks Arthur what is to become of him now that the Round Table is destroyed and justice has vanished from the world. Arthur answers by saying that with him gone, it leaves room for the new to be placed, and to sends prayers for his soul. It seems that all the virtues and high morals of the kingdom have vanished, but the rising of a new sun gives hope for a similar future. 

The Lady of Shalott knows nature is worth it.

The Lady of Shalott

I think that this poem is very routed in the appreciation of nature.  While broken into four parts, the poem features illustrious imagry of the beauty of nature. The Lady of the Shalott, follows the tale of a poor girl, who was cursed to suffer a fate worse than death.  She is forced to never look outside of her castle on Shalott Island.  Although, she has grown tired of her current life, it takes a visit from the mighty Lancelot to really free her.  When she finally gazes upon the outside world, it is by her own choice, and she accepts that it will be her demise.  This connects to a much larger theme that knights, along with regular people, aren't meant to be souped up.  I think this poem has a very important message. People are meant to venture into the wilderness, and love it.   

The Lady and the River

The Lady of the Shalott has themes of tragedy, grief and loss. Tennyson creates a mood of mystery and confusion throughout the poem. The ending was the acknowledgement that the death was tragic and harsh when Lancelot says “’she has a lovely face; God in his mercy lend her grace.’” (Tennyson 169-170) Such a statement makes the Lady more of a tragic figure; Lancelot had no idea that he had caused such a lonely and painful death. The river serves as the main symbol in the poem. It seems as though Camelot pulls the Lady towards her death, and the river reflects this pull. The river is calm, but it is used to show the danger that looking toward Camelot means. The river reflects the lady’s thoughts and actions. When the Lady of Shalott starts to have pain from not being able to look herself the river responds by creating small whirlpools. (Tennyson 51) The river keeps coming back to the text to show a transition from peace to tragedy.  Upon realizing that she has cursed herself by looking at the real world with her own eyes, there is a “dim expanse.” (Tennyson 127) By looking towards Camelot and Lancelot, she cursed herself to death and the river personifies this; the river reflects the Lady. The river was put in the poem as an image to reflect the plot moving along. 

Four Walls, Four Towers, and Some Boats

Part one of “The Lady of Shallot” provides beautiful imagery and thought-provoking symbols. Nature plays a significant role in the poem because weather, plants, and the river connect The Lady of Shalott to the outside world. The lilies around the tower on the island are in contrast to the fields of barely leading to Camelot. The lilies are beautiful while the fields of barley are monochrome. The beauty of the Lilies represents the beauty of The Lady of Shalott. Also, on the island Lord Tennyson describes four grey walls and four grey towers which seems strange. The four grey walls could represent the strength of the person or creature that is holding The Lady of the Shalott captive in the tower. Also, the walls may represent the isolation and powerlessness of women during the time that the poem was written. During this time women had little control over their lives and were treated as property. The four towers could represent the four evangelists Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John who connect The Lady of Shalott to God. The Lady of Shalott might be too pure to live among sinners which is why she is isolated.  Furthermore, the boats on the river play a key role in the poem. The boats may represent the ultimate freedom that The Lady of Shalott will have in heaven and the life that has been passing her by.  Finally, the reapers are the only people who have heard The Lady of Shalott sing because of their connection to nature. The reapers plant the barely, tend to the plants, and harvest it which gives them an understanding of nature. Overall, part one of the poem is written in a way that makes it sound magical and light-hearted which is in contrast to the other three parts of the poem.

More Like Guinefear Because She's Scary as Hell

"'Sir Bors, have you heard how Sir Launcelot has betrayed me?' She demanded.
'Madam, I fear that he has betrayed his own life.'
'Sir, he surely deserves to die for his treachery.'
'Madam, I pray you do not abuse him.'
'And why not? Did he or did he not wear the maid's token at the tournament?' asked the queen furiously.
'Madam, I am sorry to say that he did wear the maid's sleeve, but I do not doubt his loyalty, for I believe that he did so only in order not to be recognized. All his life he has loved no other lady than you.'
'Shame on him , I say! And for all his pride he proved a lesser knight than you are.'"

Shoe's on the other foot, innit, m'lady. The hypocrisy of Guinevere in this passage is what stood out to me. I'm also a big fan of her cursing Launcelot for his 'pride' while also insulting Sir Bors in the same sentence. Hell hath no fury and what have you. This passage is equally interesting because of how closely it pertains to the rules of courtly love. Considering the time period and intended audience of these stories, the heavy allusions to the rules of courtly love makes sense. In fact, Queen Guinevere does a complete 180 at the end of the passage, quickly forgiving Launcelot because as we all know the rules of courtly love encourage jealousy, as it serves to make true love stronger.

Godly Galahad

"Sir Galahad, who is a virgin and without sin, overcame them all singlehanded, but without killing them, which his virtue forbids unless it is really necessary." (Malory 387)

Reading this, it becomes clear where the strong connection between the King Arthur mythos and Christianity comes from. Where religion had been mentioned in the past in other stories, Malory is the first example we've read where it's a main factor of the story. The nobleness and skill of Sir Galahad, the best knight on Arthur's court according to the magical sword, is tied to his virtue. The monk and the hermit both tell Gawain that he is wicked and therefore no equal to Galahad, who is blessed. The righteous get the glory and the rest get his leftovers. Malory seems to be making a distinction between Galahad and the other knights we have come to know in our previous readings, giving us a truly Christian protagonist. He doesn't kill or lie or sleep around. He has God on his side and that's what makes him powerful.

Women seeking men

Dear King Arthur, 

I figured you will want to hear about this journey, so I am going to write as things go. 

This search for the Holy Grail has been nothing but a wild goose chase. On top of being terrified of this awful Waste Land kingdom, I’ve mistakenly challenged sir Galahad and now I am left with no horse, on foot, and alone...Great.. now I’m petrified and helpless. I’m not sure how else to go on.. 

Awkwardly I was awoken by a strange lady, offering to give me her horse if I swear to obey her. Weird request... but I couldn’t say no! The horse was a large, magnificent creature. But as I am traveling, I’m thinking this is too good to be true. The thing flies like the devil, so it must be evil. I immediately draw the cross on forehead, and the horse threw me off and ran into ocean waves screaming.... wtf? I think that lady must have been off her rocker... well back on foot (alone) I go....

So I’m on this isolated rocky island, walking along, minding my own business, when I see this huge serpent carrying a little lion in its jaws... Mama lion jumps out roaring after this lizard thing. Me, trying to be the hero, I slay the serpent to save the baby. That evening in my dreams, this lady told me I will face the most terrible champion in the world, and if I lose I will be shamed forever. THEN an older lady was yelling at me for killing her pet lizard. The part that gave me chills was she said “Do you not understand that when you pledge yourself to Lord Jesu Christ you pledge yourself to me. Therefore when I find you unprotected I shall take you for my own.” I have NO IDEA what either were referring too... But I’m starting to wish I had Galahad here... 

Almost like it was meant to happen, a random ship runs ashore and I went to meet it. This lovely lady was aboard, and demanded help, rambling on about how her lord banished her and needs a knight like me to recover her dominion. My focus wasn’t on her but the food and wine behind her. I agreed, since a Knight can’t turn down a lady in distress, and she gave me all the meat and wine I could want. I’m starting to think that this situation, again, seems too good to be true. THEN the wine kicked in...because when she walked in next, whooo she looked more enchanting than ever. I begged her to give me love, that was when she said, out of all the men in the world, she wanted me. ME! My excitement cannot handle this! We get naked and about to do the dirty, when suddenly I see a burning cross on my sword. I knew immediately this was a evil set up. I again drew the cross on my forehead and everything swirled away in a cloud of smoke. I’m back on the island and ship is going out to sea, the lady yelling at me about betrayal. Why are all the women on this island insane? 

The hermit holy man returned in his ship and I ran aboard to him and tell him about my experience. He goes to tell me that the lady was Lucifer... Lucifer himself trying to win me over. It all makes sense now, with the whole story of how she was kicked out of the kingdom. Lucifer must have been trying to win me over this whole time... Talk about overcoming a quest within a quest. This renounces my faith in Christ and allows me to trust him more since he delivered me from evil. But I’m ready to come back to Camelot.... and wondering where the wine went. 

Sincerely, Sir Percivale

Galahad Redeeming the Sins of the Father

The first section of the reading, pages 369-400, differs drastically from previous class readings in regard to religious views of the Knights of the Round Table. Previous readings, aside from The Sage of the Mantle, focus on the knights as possessing positive characteristics: honor, brotherhood, respect, modesty, etc. Yet, this reading continually condemns the Knights, including Sir Launcelot who has often been depicted as the greatest of all knights. The drastic switch in tone, upon first reflection seemed strange and I struggled to understand why Malory diverted from the traditional Arthurian tropes; however, I feel like some clarity is achieved when Sir Percivale’s aunt tells him “Merlin devised the Round Table as a symbol of the wholeness of virtue, and fellows, whether Christian or heathen, have always counted themselves blessed. So much so that many of them, like you, have deserted their families without feeling any sense of remorse” (392). Up until this point in the literature, Arthur and his Knights are represented as infallible no matter how devious they behave. Malory, in contrast, forces the knights to confront their sins and makes them into an example of what can happen when behaving in a less than virtuous manner. The quote specifically addresses Arthur’s knights using their status to make themselves untouchable. Galahad’s entrance into the Arthurian tale can be viewed as a second coming of Jesus, this is evidenced by Malory saying both of his parents are descendants of Jesus. His presence provides the opportunity for redemption of the knights.

King Arthur's knights aren't all they're cracked out to be

"So am I brought to shame!" he said to himself. "When I sought only worldly fame, none could gainsay, whether my quarrel was right or wrong; but now that I search for holy things, by my sins I am disqualified." ~ Lancelot speaking about himself on page 390.

In this paragraph, Lancelot highlights the main theme of practically every King Arthur story we have read so far. Whenever the focus knight of a story is on a quest, he can do practically whatever he wants, simply because people believe the knight to be honorable due to his social status. No matter how questionable the knight's actions, they are justified because of the perception that a knight is a good person and champion of the people who cannot defend themselves. However, when a knight faces holy-related problems, things no longer work out for them as they once did. Lancelot claims that although he is one of the most powerful knights, he is also the most "wretched of knights," all because of his secret affair with the queen. This can also extend to the rest of King Arthur's court, as "The Saga of the Mantle" story shows almost every man there engages in sinful relationships with other women. Overall, although King Arthur's knights are praised for their virtue and good will, the Holy Grail begs to differ.

Sorry, Ma'am, but I'm not Gawain to sleep with you.

Dear diary, can I vent to you? Of course I can. You're a notebook I place emotional value in because you give me a medium to release stress, you aren't capable of judgement. Sorry, diary, but those are facts. Anyway, it's nothing too serious. It's just something that happened during my last quest. I do love quests, it's why I became a knight after all. Even better, it was basically a three day vacation.

While the knights and men of the kingdom went out on my hunt, I got to spend three days doing whatever I wanted. And what did I want? Peace and quiet. I surely didn't want to be propositioned for anonymous sex, I can tell you that much. It seems like everywhere I go women are just throwing themselves at me. Hello, does an oath of chastity mean anything these days? I guess that's what I get after volunteering to be in all those knight of the month calendars, but how could I pass up being Mr. December? There's no better Christmas present than these good looks, it's the gift that keeps on giving for Christ's sake! Shit. I'll have to confess that one.

So there I am on Monday morning. It's almost noon, who cares? I was sitting in bed not doing a damn thing when this woman walks in. She's gorgeous; tall, strawberry hair, most of her teeth and with breasts of the purest... rich like... uh... they were pretty cool. She was also the wife of one of the dear huntsmen. Great guy. She comes over and, without any small talk about the weather, immediately professes her lust for me and her desire to take me to the stables, sheath excalibur, other blatant sexual innuendos. What torture. Not only is she married to Robert, one of my high school rugby teammates, but she lusts for me. LUSTS.

You know me, diary, I'm not a lust guy. I'm love or nothing. Either way, she was determined. I was the great Gawain, after all; a man who's looks, courtship and virtue were known far and wide. I wish I was known for my interpretive dance, but sex appeal is good enough, I guess. It took me hours, but I was finally able to convince her that I was not worth the blemish on her marital vows. She had to have something, though, and before she got up, started to kiss me. I'm not proud of this, but I kissed her back, because what was I gonna do, not?

After that I get on with my very important and rudely interrupted plan to sit on my ass all day until dinner. Then, at night, the men get back, they throw me a feast, yadda, yadda, yadda. At least I was able to put off Bob's wife, right? Wrong. Each of the next two mornings she comes back into my room begging me yet again. Lady, if you're that pent up, just fantasize while reading 50 Shades or something, sheesh.

Luckily for me, I'm a master not only in swordplay, but wordplay. I'm not going to lie to you, diary, it wasn't easy. The third morning she went all out: a jeweled hairnet, her finest and most revealing gown, she was reading me like a book. Nonetheless, I was able to keep her at bay once again, though this time she demanded a three kisses and a gift. A gift? What do I look like, a Disney store? When I told her I had no gift that would match her value of grace, she was unbothered. First she tried to give me her ring. I declined partly because I'm not a huge ring guy and partly because I think Bob bought it for her. She wouldn't let me leave without anything, so she gave me her girdle. Weird gift, right? Well it gets even weirder. She says that it grants the power of immortality to the wearer. Now, I'm not usually one to trust the words of a scorned lover, but I'm also kinda in desperate need of some immortality, so I took it and went on my merry way, hunts haul by my side the very next morning. Worst comes to worst I can re-gift it, I guess.

Well, that's all I have, diary, thanks for listening. It's not like you really had a choice, what with being an inanimate organization of tree byproducts, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Gee, I really hope archeology isn't invented because I sure wouldn't want any sick future-perverts getting their hands on you and besmirching my good name.