Worthy Clerks?

"This is attested by truthful accounts about him and much dependable intelligence recorded by worthy clerks about his many deeds..." (Kalinke, pg. 225)

I chose this quote because I find it interesting that the author here is stating that many of King Arthur's deeds written on are truthful accounts.  The entire premise of our class is whether or not Arthur was a true person but right here the author clearly states that he was.  I find it curious because these "truthful accounts" are many times absolutely absurd and filled with exaggeration, but at the same time the author of whatever it is almost always says that they were an eye-witness.  This sentence also follows an entire paragraph on how Arthur was the literal perfect human being in every possible aspect...

Josie's on a vacation far away!

On page 234, Karadin's beloved called out to her, "You sweet beloved, if you have gone astray in any way, then don't ever go near the mantle. I love you so profoundly that I certainly don't want to lose your love," (Kalinke 234). This made me think of "Your Love" by the Outfield.

Women aren't the only liars...

The story shows how all of the women (except one) at the court of King Arthur are unfaithful. By being revealed as unfaithful the women are also revealed as liars. But they are not the only liars at the court of King Arthur. The men are liars as well, they even admit to it. They admit that if they told the women the truth, the women would not want to try the mantle on, so the men lied in order to get the women to try it on. So why are the women shamed and ridiculed for being unfaithful and liars, when the men are liars and deceivers as well? Why are the women seen as evil, while the men are seen as the victims? Even though it was the men who started the whole thing.

The Mantle Knows Your Browser History

A man brought to King Arthur’s court a beautiful, elf-crafted mantle with a charm woven into it so that the browser history of anyone who wore it would spell out in faerie runes. Luckily, Kay had studied faerie runes in his youth, so he could read them.

When the women entered, Arthur said the mantle was a gift for anyone willing to wear it before the court. Guinevere insisted on wearing it first. When she put it on, many gasped as runes and logos appeared across the fabric.

“Let me translate,” said Kay. “Do I love him? Do I love my husband? I’m married but I love someone else. I’m in love with two people. How to hide an aff--”

Guinevere cut Kay off, turned to the king, and demanded an explanation. Arthur told her about the mantle’s enchantment. Guinevere turned pale. “Well then,” she said, removing the mantle, “who shall wear it next? You mustn’t let your queen suffer alone.”

The crowd stood in silence until Kay volunteered his beloved. “Surely nothing embarrassing is in your browser history,” he said. “Only cute things, like kitten blogs.”

She put on the mantle and many kitten blogs appeared, but the runes also spelled out titles like “Poisons to Induce Vomiting” and “The Butler Did It.”

“Beloved, have you been... planning something?” Kay asked.

“Nooo,” she whined. “I’m writing a murder mystery and wasn’t gonna tell anyone until I had a first draft but now I’ve told everyone and--” She buried her face in Kay’s shoulder. Kay helped her removed the mantle and led her to sit. Then he challenged anyone else to wear the mantle.

Gawain volunteered his beloved. When this lady put on the mantle, it displayed mainly music and video logos.

“Spotify, YouTube…” Gawain paused. “PornHub?”

Kay squinted. “Founding fathers get freaky part 1?”

“YOU WATCHED A HAMILTON BOOTLEG?! You know what I think of bootlegs!!” Gawain sighed. “Now everyone knows you’ve been doing illegal activities.”

Gawain’s beloved sat beside Kay’s while another woman tried on the mantle. Kay peered at a set of runes down her left arm. “This either says ‘age of consent’ or ‘voting age’.”

“Age of consent?” the woman’s lover cried. “What underage youth have you been bringing to our bed?”

“It’s not like that! My friend--”

“Voting age?” Arthur made a face. “This is an absolute monarchy.”

In time, the mantle revealed every woman’s browser history to the public. None was comfortable enough in her browser history to keep the mantle.

“But we are not the only ones with browser history,” said Guinevere. “Oh Arthur! Since you are king, why don’t you put on the mantle before any other man?”

It's Always Sunny in Camelot

As I was reading, this was how I envisioned the court every time a new woman would try on the mantle.

Full scene too, because come on.

 

Dear Diary...you're not gonna believe this!

via A. Lynn at Nerdy Feminist

I have to make this short, because I'm due back at the court soon. But I just had to write this down. (All true, by the way. It's too crazy to make up.)

So this incredibly handsome guy came to King Arthur's court today, and he had this gorgeous mantle with him. Seriously. The prettiest thing I've ever seen. All of the ladies of the court, myself included, were dying to get our hands on it. But we had to try it on to see who it would fit.

The queen, being the queen, went first. This is where it gets weird. No joke, it didn't fit! Poor thing turned bright red the second she realized, but this is where it gets even weirder. Another lady tried it on, and it didn't fit her either! That's when the truth came out. This gorgeous mantle, the one every one wanted at first, was actually a test. It would fit you (or not) based on faithful you'd been to your love.

Boy, the queen was mad...but get this. Now she's making all of us try it on! I mean, really, Your Majesty, I get that you're bitter, but geez. Not our fault you've been fooling around behind the King's back. Now I've gotta try this thing on. Yeah, me. And we all know how that's gonna go. My knight's gonna flip when it's my turn.

They're calling my name now! What am I gonna do? Ugh...this sucks.

Lancelot is Not a Bro

Lancelot, the Jim to Arthur's Roy, Mr. Steal-yo-girl, is just an all around pretty bad friend.  I can just see the Knight of the Cart bumping some Shaggy whenever the king grows suspicious of his queen and best friend.

Meleagant's Daddy Issues

My father and all of the people in the Kingdom of Logres think I am evil. However, my father has made me evil, because he never cared for me as a father should.  The king is truely evil for never noticing all of the things I do to please him. He is a fool!

Years before I captured Queen Guinevere, I would try to prove myself to my father by battling the most skilled knights in the kingdom and courting only the loveliest ladies in court. My distant father never noticed the things that I did to prove to him that I would be a great king one day.

Now, I hate my father, and I will do everything I can to go against his wishes. When I captured the queen, I thought my father would finally respect me, but he continues to doubt me and favors another knight who has come to take the lovey queen away from me. How could a father refuse to be loyal to his son? My father wants me to return the queen to the knight, but I would rather die in battle before she is returned.

During the battle, I fight furiously to prove to my father that I am a better warrior than Lancelot. However, I overhear my father begging the queen to restrain Lancelot, and I am deeply embarrassed. When Lancelot stops fighting, I continue to fight to ease my humiliation. After my father begs, I put down my sword and stop fighting regretfully.  In this moment, I feel nothing but shame. I have lost the queen! However, Lancelot agrees to battle me again which brings me joy. Until the day we fight again, I will practice my skills so that I can win back my pride and the respect of my father.

Okay! We Get It!