Okay……that was a lot weirder than I thought it was going to be, and I am kind of sick to my stomach. These people really took the whole bear thing too far, in my opinion. I got to the so called “Lodge” and the first thing I saw when I went in the front door were all the people and all the food. The selection was weird though……they had a lot of berries. Blue berries, red berries, gooseberries, they had bear claws, a pot of honey, and huge pot of porridge that was being bogarted by one of the blonde members of the Order.
After awhile came the ceremony. I can’t reveal the secrets of the Order but I can describe the ceremony somewhat. First they told me to get bare foot and to wear this bear cub costume. After a bunch of seemingly random movements and chanted phrases by the conductors of the ritual, I was put in the middle of the room on my knees and asked “Mr. Morton, are you ready to receive the secrets of the Order of the Bear”, I said “yes” but then someone behind me whispered in my ear. The person in front of me asked me the same question another time and then the person behind me whispered in my ear again. I think I was supposed to say what he whispered in my ear…..I then said in a confused manner....”does a bear shit in the woods?”. I then heard a loud VERY WELL! To which proceeded a costume battle between a bear and a wolf. It kinda looked like the marionette fight in Team America since all the members of the Order were so ancient. The ceremony ended with the death of the bear to which then I was forced to literally eat a piece of raw bear heart while everyone sang the bear necessities!…..I need to go throw up now.
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