Wednesday, February 14, 2018

The Mantle Knows Your Browser History

A man brought to King Arthur’s court a beautiful, elf-crafted mantle with a charm woven into it so that the browser history of anyone who wore it would spell out in faerie runes. Luckily, Kay had studied faerie runes in his youth, so he could read them.
When the women entered, Arthur said the mantle was a gift for anyone willing to wear it before the court. Guinevere insisted on wearing it first. When she put it on, many gasped as runes and logos appeared across the fabric.
“Let me translate,” said Kay. “Do I love him? Do I love my husband? I’m married but I love someone else. I’m in love with two people. How to hide an aff--”
Guinevere cut Kay off, turned to the king, and demanded an explanation. Arthur told her about the mantle’s enchantment. Guinevere turned pale. “Well then,” she said, removing the mantle, “who shall wear it next? You mustn’t let your queen suffer alone.”
The crowd stood in silence until Kay volunteered his beloved. “Surely nothing embarrassing is in your browser history,” he said. “Only cute things, like kitten blogs.”
She put on the mantle and many kitten blogs appeared, but the runes also spelled out titles like “Poisons to Induce Vomiting” and “The Butler Did It.”
“Beloved, have you been... planning something?” Kay asked.
“Nooo,” she whined. “I’m writing a murder mystery and wasn’t gonna tell anyone until I had a first draft but now I’ve told everyone and--” She buried her face in Kay’s shoulder. Kay helped her removed the mantle and led her to sit. Then he challenged anyone else to wear the mantle.
Gawain volunteered his beloved. When this lady put on the mantle, it displayed mainly music and video logos.
“Spotify, YouTube…” Gawain paused. “PornHub?”
Kay squinted. “Founding fathers get freaky part 1?”
“YOU WATCHED A HAMILTON BOOTLEG?! You know what I think of bootlegs!!” Gawain sighed. “Now everyone knows you’ve been doing illegal activities.”
Gawain’s beloved sat beside Kay’s while another woman tried on the mantle. Kay peered at a set of runes down her left arm. “This either says ‘age of consent’ or ‘voting age’.”
“Age of consent?” the woman’s lover cried. “What underage youth have you been bringing to our bed?”
“It’s not like that! My friend--”
“Voting age?” Arthur made a face. “This is an absolute monarchy.”
In time, the mantle revealed every woman’s browser history to the public. None was comfortable enough in her browser history to keep the mantle.
“But we are not the only ones with browser history,” said Guinevere. “Oh Arthur! Since you are king, why don’t you put on the mantle before any other man?”

2 comments:

  1. I thought there was a similarity between the public humiliation via the mantle in the story and what would happen if everyone knew about one's browser history. By the way, for my story, there is no resolution except 1080p.

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